you made me lost confident and faith towards love.
i can no longer feel any love from u. i duno whether i still love u or jus purely be with u for e sake of being with u.
e way u treated me is such a big difference that i cant help but to feeel hurt.
i duno whether i shall continue walking with u, or its time i shld walk on my own.
i need to get used to be alone. i need to get used to taking my tinks on my own. i need to get used to spend weekends on my own. i need to get used to finish up my food alone. i need to get used to e feeling of not holding hands.
i felt very lost right now. i wish i can find one empty island n cried over there.
12:11 AM
Friday, May 29, 2009Y
i seriously seriously seriously duno wat e heck u are tinking. really. i dun understand y u can jux go to sumone hse and overnight. on top of that, its sumone which i hate most. but when i asked u to cum over to overnight, u gave me tons n tons of reasons. becox of e size of e hse? that person's hse is big enuff n more suitable for u compared to my hse izzit?
or shld i phrase that, there are more ppl there, more suitable for u compared to jux me alone? i seriously duno wat u are tinking. so wat that fella is flying off tml? i dun see u so gan chiong over me when i mentioned abt OSIP. ur happy over it. wat a big difference. u sucked big time. thats all i can sae.
i hate that. im very assured of where im standing in u.
10:18 PM
Wednesday, May 27, 2009Y
i finally know where i stand. no matter how serious it is, it will nv be my turn. unless sumtink really serious happens to me.
maybe i shld jux go ahead with my decision. i will not be ur obstruct for 4mths. i suppose u will be very happy over it. maybe we need time to tink thru abt us.
i cant stand it when u make it sounds as if i didn make an effort in maintaining this relationship. I HATE IT!
im sick i didn see u cum visit me. ur frend sick u go. wat logic. so wat u asked me over e phone? its 2 different tinks. mux i end up in hospital den u cum over? my finger was swollen, yet u sae i deserve it.
since u see that way, i dun see a need for me bother so much abt u, care so much for u. cox i feel damn not worth it.
u lyk going out so much den so be it. if anytink happens to u outside, dun bother to inform me since u find me a nusiance. ppl fly over gan chiong. gf sick n swollen finger - dun care. good one. i will remember u used thar FAITHFUL word on me. ALWAYS.
7:29 PM
Wednesday, May 20, 2009Y
i wish i can master the skill of ignorance.
ignorance is a bliss.
ignorance - best way to reduce ur burden.
u dun deserve me treating u that good. i dun see there's a need for it anymore. treating me for granted. u seriously dun deserve me treating u good. AT ALL.
u rather tell ur frends sumtinks which i asked u so many times den telling me straight. wat kind of bf are u?
now, i hav to book u jux to go out with u. wat nonsensical logic is this? can anyone pls enlighten me? i wan to go out with u oso mux see timing. wat a crap.
are u seriously worthy of my time n love?
i need to search for my ans urgently.
im tired. emotionally tired. im tired of all these crap.
10:40 PM
Tuesday, May 19, 2009Y
im so so into baking recently. if possible, i feeel lyk baking everyday to brush up my baking skills! lols. i noe i sound insane with all the projects not yet completed.
reached home late today but still went ahead to try out e latest recipes i found on e net. GREEN TEA POUND CAKE. sounds yummy. but e outcome was alrite jux that it taste quite sweet n e green tea taste was not really there. nvm. i shall brush up. darling sae it was nice, but i really wonder did he really lied to me? =/
was currently researching for itsb project. finally found some useful stuff. more to come! i hope =x asked cuzzin some stuff. im glad that theres a solution to my problem. yayness! (:
i really cant wait for banking elective to be over. its killing me. especially e upcuming test2. i really duno on how i shld go abt in studying for it. i need power brain pls.
today is e graduation day for elaine n chunwei. CONGRATS PPL! next yr will be my turn. i hope. cant wait to graduate. but wat lies ahead, i duno. study or to work?
i need money!! i wan to get out of this sticky situation soon. n FAST.
11:22 PM
I REALLY HATE U! ****ING HATE U! I RELLY WISH U WILL JUX DISAPPEAR RIGHT THIS INSTANCE!
so wat u bring me to this world? i noe i own u but that doesnt mean that u can treat us the way u are doing now. all thanx to u, i dun hav a happy childhood. its all becox of u, i learn to hate u when i was young. i learn how to curse sumone when i was young. u can nv guess how deep is my hatred towards u! u sucked!
u always do tinks ur way, living in ur own world. hav u really treat us as ur family? NO! u dun. ur a pathetic person who does even noe anytink abt us. im feeling sad for u. cox u sees that now u still can move ard, having money, u can be e king. but wat goes round comes round. one fine day u will get back triple for how u treated us. i swear!
all u noe is to scold vulgarties at us. vent at us. blame us. jux becox over some useless junks, u can actually scold someone who has contributed alot to this family. wat abt u? who clean those junks for u? who makes dinner for u? hav u tot that she is once ur love. how could u treat her in this way? she dun deserve all this shit. instead of giving her good life, she had to suffer. but she didn ask for much.
i really hate u alot. duno y i cant hav a happy family. i always envy at others for having such a happy family, caring father, mummy had a good life. but wat abt me? i only can see mess in here. i can tell u. other den us, i dun need u. AT ALL!
u. i treated u as my world. im happy with jux being ard with u. but u treated me lyk a piece of trash, ur convienve store. when e time u dun need me, u chuck me aside. find me naggy, obstructing ur way. when the time u need me, u cum looking for me.
wat do u actually treat me as? i will nv 4get wat u sae abt me. it is deeply engraved in my head. watever i do, is nv rite in u. all e faults lies in me. i cared for u but u treated it as a piece of trash. i really duno wat i can do or how i shall do.
at times, i really feel lyk giving up. but recalling all e happy times we had together, i cant bear to let it go.
i really duno how much u treasure me, cherish me. u claimed u did, but i hardly felt it. i can tell u honestly.
im lost now.
12:04 AM
Sunday, May 17, 2009Y
im glad things had been turning out fine between us over these few days. maybe i did the right tink by turning to ur frend. but it was sad that i hav to depend on him to sent my messages straight to u. i felt that im a failure. as ur gf, i cant sent my messages to u n i hav to depend on an outsider.
but, im really happy and glad that things are fine now. i hope it will last. i really lyk the way u tok to me that day. so gentle and nice. although i felt very not used to it. but i lyk it alot (: the way u touch my hair and face, its so different from the past. i lyk it now.
im glad that u really toked to me. and u noe how i feel all this while. i jux wan to let u noe that. despite all these while, my love for u did not change or lessen.
i cant wait for our 3yrs anniversary (:
i love u baby (:
12:45 AM
Saturday, May 9, 2009Y
recently, there had been alot of ups n downs between us. i seriously dun lyk how e tinks it is going on now. quarrels over a few days, weeks.
im glad that i had made it past this week, w/o meeting up with u much. im glad that i made an improvement. i seriously sense no need or reason y i shld make myself easily available for u. when u wan to see me, u get to see me. when u dun, u expect me to get out of ur way n dun obstruct u in meeting up with ur frends.
i seriously duno how much i exactly meant to u. where do i stand. i will work hard on not obstructing ur way. i will not becum ur burden as u sae. i believe i will becum independent w/o u one day. all i need is some time.
i hav been tinking over whether we shld jux end this. but we had been together for almost 3yrs. yet i can tell u that my love for u over these years hav never changed or lessen despite all e quarrels we had. very soon, ur 2yrs of ns is going to end. im glad that i made it thru this hard time. very soon, i will no longer need to wait for u to book out. i quite looking fwd to those days. but somehow, i no longer can feel e happy in me compare to e past. y?
today is ur ord function. im looking fwd to tok to u after it. i didn get to tok much to u during this week. but ur decision has disappointed me. i told u i wanted to tok to u, but ur pc sae he wanted to play lan, u went ahead. did u ignore wat i told u?
its our 2yrs 9mths now. its e first time im not feeling happy. first time i dun wish to go out later with u. but i dun tink u noe how exactly on how i felt at this instance. i bet u are enjoying urself away in that lan shop.
instead of being happy, im tearing away rite now. y?
XINYI is her name.
